Author Topic: Short Joke  (Read 36353 times)

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Offline Smiley Of Terror

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #30 on: May 17, 2006, 07:46PM »
what's green and shaped like a box?




















GRASS! I lied about the box!
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Offline emuisme

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2006, 05:52PM »
How many social workers dose it take to change a light globe?




After forming a committee, and hiring a consultant a number of ten was come up with, but only if the light globe really wants to change.

How many mice dose it take to screw in a light globe?




Two, itís getting them in there thatís the hard part.

I spent my money on sothern comfort and speeding fines, the rest I wasted.

Born to drive, forced to work!

Offline eurisko

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #32 on: May 25, 2006, 02:56AM »
"Recent survey shows 1 in 4 people said theyd give up their kidney to a complete stranger.
Yeah right, 98% wont even let somebody merge lane!!" - Jay Leno

The Nissubishda will live....

Offline Smiley Of Terror

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #33 on: May 28, 2006, 05:19PM »
hehehe funny 'cause its true...
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Offline bondy

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #34 on: May 29, 2006, 04:48PM »
ok, here's another beaconsfield one:

what's the difference between a priest and the beaconsfield mine manager?

the mine manager gets his miners stuck in a shaft, and the priest sticks his shaft into minors

Offline Dano Da Bomb

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2006, 05:47PM »
ok, here's another beaconsfield one:

what's the difference between a priest and the beaconsfield mine manager?

the mine manager gets his miners stuck in a shaft, and the priest sticks his shaft into minors

 ;D

Nice one
Pringles loves men

Offline Sticky

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2006, 10:21PM »
hahahahahah, keep em coming  ;D
 

Quote

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so f**king temperamental.

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Offline Kranzy

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #37 on: May 30, 2006, 10:04AM »
What are the two most important holes in a womans body?...



Her nostrils,

How else is she going to breath while giving head?
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learnt something new just then, dont eat baked bean sandwhiches while changing the paper in the copier


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Offline bigpud2012

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #38 on: May 30, 2006, 04:40PM »
ok, here's another beaconsfield one:

what's the difference between a priest and the beaconsfield mine manager?

the mine manager gets his miners stuck in a shaft, and the priest sticks his shaft into minors

here is a follow up.

whats the simalirty between collingwood fc and beaconsfield mines



they both killed carlton!

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #39 on: Aug 15, 2006, 02:17AM »
hahaha nice ;D
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #40 on: Aug 15, 2006, 02:19AM »
what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes??

nothing, you've alredy told her twice!!
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #41 on: Aug 15, 2006, 02:24AM »
this isnt so much a joke but something to say when your pissed off at a nut or bolt,
THIS BLOODY THING IS AS TIGHT AS A NUNS C*NT!!
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline Jono

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #42 on: Aug 16, 2006, 12:24AM »
Anyone who's spent any time around mechanics will have heard that before :D
#1 Post Wh0re
pringles was here!

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #43 on: Aug 31, 2006, 01:35AM »
anyone got anymore??
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline pedro666

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #44 on: Sep 14, 2006, 03:52PM »
 Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the copy machine, inhales a deep breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.

 After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to
a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual
harassment grievance against him.

 The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

 The woman replies, "It's Keith........the midget."
the words "race car" spelled backward still spell "race car"? 




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Offline MAG86

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #45 on: Sep 15, 2006, 12:58PM »
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong,honey.

I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.

I love you, too!"

[0O\======/O0]

Offline pedro666

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #46 on: Oct 7, 2006, 11:23PM »
lol

Gotta love drunk people

 

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
" Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. 

 "Who was that? "  asked his wife.
 " Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
 " Did you help him?" she asks.
 " No, I did not. It is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
  " Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.  " Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" 

 The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk .
the words "race car" spelled backward still spell "race car"? 




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Offline don_makaveli

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #47 on: Oct 11, 2006, 03:54PM »
Are you aware of the recent discovery in the human body, of a nerve that
connects the eyeball to the asshole?
It's called the anal-optic nerve.
It's responsible for giving some people a shitty outlook on life.
If you still don't believe there's a connection, just pull a hair from
your ass
and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
 

Offline don_makaveli

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #48 on: Oct 11, 2006, 03:57PM »
prty old   but prty funny haha


now THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION!
 
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
 
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
 
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
 
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
 
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
 
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
 
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are
going to look up there anyway?
 
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
 
What do you call male ballerinas?
 
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
 
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
 
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
 
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
 
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there
is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
 
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
 
Is Disney World the only people-trap operated by a mouse?
 
Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
 
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
 
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
 
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window.

Offline SAIUN

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #49 on: Oct 11, 2006, 06:46PM »
does morality come from morons?

No, but most of those jokes did.

*thumbs down.*
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Offline don_makaveli

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #50 on: Oct 11, 2006, 08:02PM »
haha aye all i done was copy paste haha  oh well

Offline minimikee

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #51 on: Oct 12, 2006, 11:57PM »
No, but most of those jokes did.

*thumbs down.*

its more than your contribution
lol Phantom and I at the wreckers
Me - 'Oi do you have a hammer'
Phantom - 'No, here have an auto-controller' lol

Offline don_makaveli

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #52 on: Oct 13, 2006, 05:03AM »
ye! listen to that guy :P haha 

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #53 on: Nov 16, 2006, 11:04PM »
yeah a bit over the top simon
« Last Edit: Jan 18, 2007, 01:19AM by Ammerty »
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline pedro666

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Re: Short Scotish Joke
« Reply #54 on: Nov 30, 2006, 12:26AM »
A guy walks into a **Glasgow** library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye harv eni books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
the words "race car" spelled backward still spell "race car"? 




skype_shannan801

Offline Ammerty

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #55 on: Dec 2, 2006, 06:08PM »
lol nice
Quote from: SECLUDED

When are you not drunk Ammerty...lol  ::) ;D

Offline trx_reece

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #56 on: Dec 2, 2006, 09:44PM »
"Recent survey shows 1 in 4 people said theyd give up their kidney to a complete stranger.
Yeah right, 98% wont even let somebody merge lane!!" - Jay Leno
so true and funny.nice :D

Offline trxboi1987

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #57 on: Dec 26, 2006, 04:49PM »
Hey, hope everyone had a good xmas. i didnt want to start another thread but i just received this txt msg today.
Why doesnt micheal jackson play chess?

cause he doesnt know if his black or white

ummm. ha ha i think??

Offline banno_87

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #58 on: Jan 17, 2007, 10:40AM »
Got this one from a friend last night (female friend obviously)

Why did god give women thrush?

To teach them how to live with an irritating c u n t before they marry one...

funny but stupid in my opinion..

Santa announced that he is giving up his job today, 5 minutes later, Michael Jackson announced he wouldn't mind sneaking into childrens rooms to empty his sack...

Why do dogs lick their balls... cos they can

Slinkeys are a lot like people, not good for much but they put a smile on your face when they are pushed down stairs.

Best day of my life, walking down the aisle to see my wife, give her a kiss and close the coffin lid.

Since the terrorist attacks in london the price of public transport has risen, the underground will cost an arm and a leg while bus fairs are going through the roof.

Two muslim chicks are walking down the street. One looks at the other and says 'does my bomb look big in this?'


I have more jokes but can't think at this time... Hope you enjoy
Fat chicks should not wear mini skirts!

I have never failed!! I've just found 10,000 ways of not succeeding.

Offline pedro666

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #59 on: Jan 17, 2007, 11:46AM »
got e-mailed this one...

the words "race car" spelled backward still spell "race car"? 




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