Author Topic: Short Joke  (Read 36362 times)

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Offline bungs

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Short Joke
« on: Feb 6, 2006, 12:22PM »
Dunno if this is old or not, but got it in a email today:

An U G L Y woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "Why no, he's 9 and she's 7.
"Why?  Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!   

hehehe

Offline bigpud2012

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #1 on: Feb 6, 2006, 05:10PM »
not bad bungs  :D

Offline Jecks

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #2 on: Mar 21, 2006, 07:26AM »
i didnt want to start another thread for a short joke.
i got this in an email today...

*The Australian Hotels Organisation announce that the popular drink of Butterscotch Schnapps and Baileys - previously known as the 'C*cksucking Cowboy' will now be known as the 'Heath Ledger'.*

ehehee  ;D
I'm sick of my knob going all floppy and loose in my hand  :P 
I've been on probation for 21 years, can't make a decision without consulting the wife first  ::)

Offline Sticky

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #3 on: Mar 21, 2006, 07:22PM »
yhahahah, both are great!!

Quote

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so f**king temperamental.

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Offline ashman01

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #4 on: Mar 21, 2006, 07:29PM »
I like both of them good job!

Offline Dano Da Bomb

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #5 on: Apr 6, 2006, 10:01PM »
I like both of them good job!

Tee hee "job"
Pringles loves men

Offline Jtas

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #6 on: Apr 8, 2006, 08:32PM »
these may be ancient...







FIND THE APRICOT



« Last Edit: Apr 8, 2006, 08:34PM by B33R »

Offline Jecks

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #7 on: Apr 8, 2006, 08:55PM »
ehehee... id eat a few of those 'apricots'  ;D
I'm sick of my knob going all floppy and loose in my hand  :P 
I've been on probation for 21 years, can't make a decision without consulting the wife first  ::)

Offline emuisme

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #8 on: Apr 8, 2006, 09:00PM »
Middle of the bottom (no pun intended) row? 

When I first saw it I thought it was one of those "guess which asshole called" note pads.
I spent my money on sothern comfort and speeding fines, the rest I wasted.

Born to drive, forced to work!

Offline thumbtack

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #9 on: Apr 8, 2006, 09:20PM »
why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff?

tequila!






*watches tumbleweed go by*

man not even the crickets are making a sound.... :P
The old USSR had a single time zone. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin much like a sundial.
Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
Moscow Time?
Comrade Time?
In the end they all agreed.
Hammer Time.

the thumbtack corporation tm is not responsible for any injuries incurred as a result of thumbtack. any resemblance to any stationery, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Offline Jtas

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #10 on: Apr 8, 2006, 09:56PM »
your in.
you made me laugh and that's all that counts ::)

Offline Kranzy

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #11 on: Apr 8, 2006, 10:07PM »
My whole family laughed and had a chuckle so it cant be that bad.
Quote from: noss
learnt something new just then, dont eat baked bean sandwhiches while changing the paper in the copier


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Offline Milford

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #12 on: Apr 22, 2006, 05:47PM »
some nuns are renovating the place and 2 of them are told by the head nun to paint a room, but not to get any paint on their habits. so they talk it over and come to the conclusing that they would close the door, strip off and paint the room naked. they start painting and a knock comes at the door. they ask who it is
"blind man" is the response.
they dont see any harm in letting a blind man in, so they open the door for him.
he enters and says 'nice tits, now where do you want your blinds?"

Offline emuisme

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #13 on: Apr 22, 2006, 07:05PM »
oldie but a goodie!

I spent my money on sothern comfort and speeding fines, the rest I wasted.

Born to drive, forced to work!

Offline chr1S

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #14 on: Apr 22, 2006, 09:20PM »
hahaha

i use to know a nun joke, but i kind of forgot.. it was pretty lame but still made people go "ohhh haha."
Don't let the opinions of the average man sway you. Dream, and he thinks you're crazy. Succeed, and he thinks you're lucky. Acquire wealth, and he thinks you're greedy. Pay no attention. He simply doesn't understand.

Quote
to be fair, it wouldn't be ANTRX if we stayed on topic.

and if someone wasn't cranky at Chr1s for something he said...

Offline thumbtack

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #15 on: Apr 23, 2006, 01:48AM »
so there were these three monkeys at a bar....

i forget the rest of the joke. but your mothers a whore!

yeah pretty bad
The old USSR had a single time zone. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin much like a sundial.
Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
Moscow Time?
Comrade Time?
In the end they all agreed.
Hammer Time.

the thumbtack corporation tm is not responsible for any injuries incurred as a result of thumbtack. any resemblance to any stationery, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Offline Jtas

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #16 on: Apr 23, 2006, 11:09AM »
that'd be funny when your smashed :P

Offline emuisme

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #17 on: Apr 23, 2006, 05:57PM »
hahaha

i use to know a nun joke, but i kind of forgot.. it was pretty lame but still made people go "ohhh haha."

It wasn't:

An old nun and a young nun were riding there pushbikes back to the convent when the older nun said "I usually go this way dear." pointing up a cobble stoned alley.  After a couple of minutes the young nun says "I've never come this way before" to which the older nun replied "it's the cobble stones derrie".

Was it?

probably not, on second thoughts that probably wouldn't even get a ha ha.
I spent my money on sothern comfort and speeding fines, the rest I wasted.

Born to drive, forced to work!

Offline noss

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #18 on: Apr 24, 2006, 02:12PM »
hehe nice one :P

--
what's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
kermit the frogs finger

--
what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

--
a new zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. he meets another new zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

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Offline chr1S

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #19 on: Apr 24, 2006, 06:19PM »
hahaha nice emuise ! but nah, it wasn't that one.. i might ask my friends, they might remember it
Don't let the opinions of the average man sway you. Dream, and he thinks you're crazy. Succeed, and he thinks you're lucky. Acquire wealth, and he thinks you're greedy. Pay no attention. He simply doesn't understand.

Quote
to be fair, it wouldn't be ANTRX if we stayed on topic.

and if someone wasn't cranky at Chr1s for something he said...

Offline bigpud2012

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #20 on: Apr 30, 2006, 11:26PM »
Whats the definition of suspicion?





A nun doing push ups in a cucumba field

Offline Jtas

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #21 on: May 8, 2006, 06:09PM »
Why was the AFL umpire run over by an ambulance in Launceston?


 :-X






He didn't hear the siren

 ::)











Offline Kranzy

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #22 on: May 8, 2006, 08:44PM »
Ohh god i forgot how funny you are Tas  ::)
Quote from: noss
learnt something new just then, dont eat baked bean sandwhiches while changing the paper in the copier


"Noss is GOD"

Offline bigpud2012

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #23 on: May 8, 2006, 10:24PM »
Ohh god i forgot how funny you are Tas  ::)

well they are from the other neck of the wood, apparently they are now seeing 6" Yowies ruiing around the woods  :-\

Offline noss

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #24 on: May 9, 2006, 12:37PM »
well they are from the other neck of the wood, apparently they are now seeing 6" Yowies ruiing around the woods  :-\

i'd rather you kept your 6" yowie to yourself mate

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Offline emuisme

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #25 on: May 9, 2006, 09:31PM »
If I were a completely sick, sad f*** I'd use that to lead into the 12inch piano player joke.

Good thing I'm not completely (mostly, but not completely)

Two cows in a paddock, one says "moo"  the other one says "You Bastard! I was going to say that!"...........................

even the crickets are silent!
I spent my money on sothern comfort and speeding fines, the rest I wasted.

Born to drive, forced to work!

Offline Virus

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #26 on: May 9, 2006, 09:51PM »

Offline NeVetS

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #27 on: May 15, 2006, 03:41PM »
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they
wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They  decided on
the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy
that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell
your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon
in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type
that letter now."

The child told her father, and returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy
said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Offline Jono

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #28 on: May 15, 2006, 07:57PM »
Good one  :D
#1 Post Wh0re
pringles was here!

Offline Sticky

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Re: Short Joke
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2006, 07:27PM »
i heard this somewhere.....

what does the neverland ranch and beaconsfield have in common??

they both trap miners/minors

Quote

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so f**king temperamental.

The Human Torch was denied a bank loan