Author Topic: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia  (Read 1534 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline FANC_ME

  • Heaven Wont Have Me And Hell Thinks Ill Take Over
  • post whore
  • *****
  • Posts: 1379
  • Karma: +56/-14
  • Gender: Female
Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« on: Aug 30, 2004, 05:49PM »
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.



2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking



3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...



4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.



5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.



6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?

(UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?



7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Sydney's famous Kings Cross "entertainment" district. Come naked.



8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, We don't stink.



12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?



14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.



15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.



16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.



18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.



19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.



21. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Offline FalconGuy

  • antrx.com senior member
  • ****
  • Posts: 312
  • Karma: +18/-2
  • new kid on the block
Re: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« Reply #1 on: Aug 30, 2004, 07:14PM »
Oh Gold! Absolute hilarity!

Love the Hippo Racing, Vienna Boys Choir and the Fountain of Youth ones...

Offline LoW GLi

  • antrx.com junkie
  • *****
  • Posts: 608
  • Karma: +12/-2
  • Gender: Male
  • Dble Up!! 2.0L 4 Cyl (Pinnie)... 4.0L V8 (180sx)
Re: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« Reply #2 on: Sep 1, 2004, 01:13PM »
nice stuff FANC_ME!! i couldnt stop pissing myself laughing, my teacher at tafe saw wat iw as looking at and put it all up on the projector and showed hte whole class!! hehe ur famous!!

Offline noss

  • Administrator
  • post whore
  • *****
  • Posts: 13882
  • Karma: +278/-50
  • Gender: Male
  • great scott!
    • antrx
Re: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« Reply #3 on: Sep 1, 2004, 02:14PM »
Quote
vegan hunter gatherers

riiight.


http://polyfedelicio.us/imgs/ - free image hosting for whatever you like

Browny_r31

  • Guest
Re: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« Reply #4 on: Sep 1, 2004, 07:17PM »


riiight.



yeah i was like wtf with that one too.

Ohh and u gotta watch those damn drop bears

Offline twizted_kitten

  • antrx.com full member
  • ***
  • Posts: 248
  • Karma: +6/-6
  • Gender: Female
Re: Common Questions Before Moving To Australia
« Reply #5 on: Oct 26, 2004, 11:33PM »
HAHAHAHA damn those drop bears!!!ROFL ;D ;D ;D thats hilarious
don't make me pull the plug on you
**what plug**
THIS ONE!!!
**thats the plug to the toaster**
ahh man i was making toast, its all ruined now!!!