every month the car starts leaking transmission fluid for four days, doesn't like being revved at all, and will not work when any males are in close proximity...
Some cars will allow the car's boot to be opened by a male, others will not...
The car must be driven to a shopping centre at least thrice a week, and left there for at least four hours each time...
The car must not have any oil or water checking facilities, and be able to run even when there is no water or oil in the engine (perhaps aircooled)
The slight smell of beer will stop the car from working, and the slight hint of another car's paint will set the alarm off, have the windscreen wipers going, have the transmission locked into Park, and the engine will stay revving at 6000rpm.
If the car sees another example of itself in the same colour, it will instantly drive itself back home, and will require a tub of ice cream and a viewing of "Erin Brockovich" in order for the car to be able to run again.