Author Topic: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+  (Read 4116 times)

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Offline thumbtack

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penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« on: Dec 1, 2007, 12:28PM »
So, last night I was feeling a bit down, so I treated my self to a 12 pack of pastizzi’s and a few oversized glasses of wine. As the wine slowly seeped through my brain, I grew tired of watching ‘The Santa Clause’ for the 7th time, and sifted my way through the local tv guide. It was then that I noticed that on good old SBS (sex between soccer, or in the good old days soccer between sex) there was a documentary. On penises. So of course in my excellent state of mind, I thought ‘what on earth would a documentary about penises entail?’ So it was a good idea of course to watch it. At the very least I figured that I would get some giggles out of it and feel better.

While I did have a few giggles at the appropriate moments when there were satirical jokes about todgers, tackle and trumpets, I also began to sober up and actually listen to what was being said. Blokes don’t like to talk about their snags it would seem. Apparently you only do it if you’re a homo. So try as he might, blokes just wouldn’t talk to the little man hosting the show. So instead he went and asked some women about penises. Does size matter, he asked a group of women on their way out for a night on the town. No, they all said. Very good I thought. He’s found some intelligent women who realise life is not about the size of ones phallus.

However, the frame then cut to him outside of the club, and some drunken females wandered to the shiny beacon that is a camera. ‘Does size matter?’ our fearless hero asked. ‘Oh yeah, yeah it does. I want a royal smasher!’ said one slapper in her nasally cockney voice that could break windows. Her equally odd friends agreed wholeheartedly. What a lying bunch of cows. Unless you’ve been around the block a few hundred times like this one, you don’t need a massive plug to fill your hallway of love. Even when women were asked to create their perfect love wand out of clay, they had regrets about the size and shape they had made them. Size does not matter. As long as you can get it stiff and you have reasonable aim, you have a fantastic chance of producing copious amounts of spawn. You don’t necessarily need a penis to satisfy as im sure a lot of you know. The average penis is 6 inches. Which is great! Anything over will have most girls crossing their legs in fear. Unless they are brain dead town bikes in need of some cash in the porno industry. But that’s all fake anyway.

Anywho, the point of my rant I suppose is that size does not matter. As long as you have a penis, it works and you have the ability to use it appropriately, you have nothing to worry about. If anyone says otherwise, they are lying. The end.

If only writing research essays were this easy :P

Oh, here is some more guff about the program that I’m too lazy to type up. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MP85uj9Gdg

http://www.snapyourchap.com/
The old USSR had a single time zone. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin much like a sundial.
Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
Moscow Time?
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In the end they all agreed.
Hammer Time.

the thumbtack corporation tm is not responsible for any injuries incurred as a result of thumbtack. any resemblance to any stationery, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Offline Jono

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #1 on: Dec 1, 2007, 03:06PM »
All this coming from someone who accused me of compensating for something when I bought my 22" computer monitor...

Women! :P
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Offline thumbtack

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #2 on: Dec 1, 2007, 03:09PM »
haha yeh. i hope i didnt inspire any sort of enlargement surgery ideas, cos they showed that too and it was nasty.
The old USSR had a single time zone. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin much like a sundial.
Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
Moscow Time?
Comrade Time?
In the end they all agreed.
Hammer Time.

the thumbtack corporation tm is not responsible for any injuries incurred as a result of thumbtack. any resemblance to any stationery, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Offline SAIUN

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #3 on: Dec 1, 2007, 03:52PM »
It's not how big it is OR how you use it... it's how often you get it!

And for the record, I'm using a 32 inch LCD as a computer monitor.  ;D
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Offline Smiley Of Terror

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #4 on: Dec 1, 2007, 06:17PM »
good rant ;) one of my female friends has a diagnosed fear of giant penises.

also... thread is 10 times funnier if you pretend thumbtack's avatar is saying it...

I am also using a 22 inch monitor :P
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Offline Milford

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #5 on: Dec 1, 2007, 09:05PM »
here i am thinking i was mature enough to read MA15 material
i was sadly mistaken

Offline Sticky

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #6 on: Dec 2, 2007, 08:46AM »
one of my female friends has a diagnosed fear of giant penises.


Is that why she isnt scared when shes around you?

 ;D

Quote

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so f**king temperamental.

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Offline BILL*69

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #7 on: Dec 2, 2007, 07:19PM »
I dont think any male in his right mind will get over the "you have a small pecker" jokes either. eg. stick  :P
mr 4ut0m4t1c d0r1fft0000 p1nny 0n ga5 w17h cu5t0m u13h su8w00f3r!
When i'm cruisin' wit my bitches and G's ready to pop a cap in the ass of some fool who thinks he's bank by takin' my corner of the block....  ::)

Offline Sticky

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #8 on: Dec 2, 2007, 09:26PM »
its soo true... ;D

Quote

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so f**king temperamental.

The Human Torch was denied a bank loan

Offline Budgie

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #9 on: Dec 2, 2007, 10:47PM »
PENIS!!!
dont piss me off with your pillarless shit captain snappy wrist

Offline Kranzy

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #10 on: Dec 3, 2007, 07:45AM »
I bet no one is surprised to see budgie get excited at the thought!
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Offline Budgie

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #11 on: Dec 3, 2007, 08:33AM »
PENIS PENIS PENIS!! :P
dont piss me off with your pillarless shit captain snappy wrist

Offline phantom

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #12 on: Dec 3, 2007, 11:11AM »
reading this thread made me question the maturity of the people who have posted.....then i realise that i cant talk because i just posted in here....

Offline BILL*69

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #13 on: Dec 3, 2007, 05:02PM »
but you didnt even say PENIS! why post?
mr 4ut0m4t1c d0r1fft0000 p1nny 0n ga5 w17h cu5t0m u13h su8w00f3r!
When i'm cruisin' wit my bitches and G's ready to pop a cap in the ass of some fool who thinks he's bank by takin' my corner of the block....  ::)

Offline SSS

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #14 on: Dec 14, 2007, 02:52PM »
hehe, you said phallus.  ;D

Offline DTM

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Re: penis rant. viewer discretion advised. MA15+
« Reply #15 on: Dec 16, 2007, 02:39PM »
Penis? Where? I will call Ammerty, I hear he likes that sort of thing...