So, last night I was feeling a bit down, so I treated my self to a 12 pack of pastizzi’s and a few oversized glasses of wine. As the wine slowly seeped through my brain, I grew tired of watching ‘The Santa Clause’ for the 7th time, and sifted my way through the local tv guide. It was then that I noticed that on good old SBS (sex between soccer, or in the good old days soccer between sex) there was a documentary. On penises. So of course in my excellent state of mind, I thought ‘what on earth would a documentary about penises entail?’ So it was a good idea of course to watch it. At the very least I figured that I would get some giggles out of it and feel better.
While I did have a few giggles at the appropriate moments when there were satirical jokes about todgers, tackle and trumpets, I also began to sober up and actually listen to what was being said. Blokes don’t like to talk about their snags it would seem. Apparently you only do it if you’re a homo. So try as he might, blokes just wouldn’t talk to the little man hosting the show. So instead he went and asked some women about penises. Does size matter, he asked a group of women on their way out for a night on the town. No, they all said. Very good I thought. He’s found some intelligent women who realise life is not about the size of ones phallus.
However, the frame then cut to him outside of the club, and some drunken females wandered to the shiny beacon that is a camera. ‘Does size matter?’ our fearless hero asked. ‘Oh yeah, yeah it does. I want a royal smasher!’ said one slapper in her nasally cockney voice that could break windows. Her equally odd friends agreed wholeheartedly. What a lying bunch of cows. Unless you’ve been around the block a few hundred times like this one, you don’t need a massive plug to fill your hallway of love. Even when women were asked to create their perfect love wand out of clay, they had regrets about the size and shape they had made them. Size does not matter. As long as you can get it stiff and you have reasonable aim, you have a fantastic chance of producing copious amounts of spawn. You don’t necessarily need a penis to satisfy as im sure a lot of you know. The average penis is 6 inches. Which is great! Anything over will have most girls crossing their legs in fear. Unless they are brain dead town bikes in need of some cash in the porno industry. But that’s all fake anyway.
Anywho, the point of my rant I suppose is that size does not matter. As long as you have a penis, it works and you have the ability to use it appropriately, you have nothing to worry about. If anyone says otherwise, they are lying. The end.
If only writing research essays were this easy
Oh, here is some more guff about the program that I’m too lazy to type up. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MP85uj9Gdghttp://www.snapyourchap.com/