Author Topic: Ordering Pizza  (Read 6849 times)

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Offline FANC_ME

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Ordering Pizza
« on: Mar 15, 2004, 04:03PM »
1) If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2) Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3) Use CB lingo where applicable.
4) Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5) Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6) Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7) Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8) Answer their questions with questions.
9) In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10) Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11) Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12) Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13) Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14) Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15) Stutter on the letter "p."
16) Ask for a deal available somewhere else.
17) Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18) Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20) Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21) Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22) Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23) Change your accent every three seconds.
24) Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25) Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetter’s Camp, right?"
26) Start your order with "I'd like . . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
27) If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28) Rent a pizza.
29) Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30) Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31) Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32) Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred.”
33) Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34) Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35) Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36) Imitate the order taker's voice.
37) Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38) When they say, "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39) Play a sitar in the background.
40) Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41) Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42) Ask to see a menu.
43) Quote Carl Sandberg.
44) Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45) Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46) Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47) Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48) Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49) Shout, "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50) Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
51) Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52) Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53) Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54) Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55) Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56) Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57) Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58) Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59) Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60) If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61) Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62) Try to talk while drinking something.
63) Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and.... action!"
64) Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65) Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66) Be vague in your order.
67) When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68) If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69) After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70) Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71) State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72) Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73) Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74) Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75) When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76) Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77) Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78) Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79) Put them on hold.
80) Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81) Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82) Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
83) When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
84) When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85) Haggle.
86) Order a one-inch pizza.
87) Order term life insurance.
88) When they say, "Will that be all?” snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
89) Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90) Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91) While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92) Engage in some serious swapping.
93) Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
94) Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95) If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96) Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97) Order a steamed pizza.
98) Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99) Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker:
100) Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Offline Milford

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #1 on: Mar 15, 2004, 04:36PM »
I like

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #2 on: Mar 15, 2004, 08:09PM »
Quote
35) Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.


lol i want my pizza still mooing thankx

Offline Jtas

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #3 on: Mar 15, 2004, 08:48PM »
6) Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.


i might try that one day :D

porretta

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #4 on: Mar 15, 2004, 08:56PM »
if only i saw this wen i ordered pizza earlier this evening  :(

Offline RichTRX

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #5 on: Mar 15, 2004, 09:59PM »
Tyne don't you dare try to ring my work with any of that stuff! (I work at a pizza shop  >:( )
His: 2001 Audi S4 biturbo quattro 6sp, Nogaro Blue/black leather recaros, microsilver trim, bose 10sp, SSAC 2.5" twin turboback, RS4 rear sway, 25% tint

Hers: MY99.5 Audi A4 1.8T Quattro GP Edition AVANT 5-sp, phantom black, black leather buckets/walnut/sunroof, 2.5" D&T Turboback, K04-015, N75J, 710N DV

Bro driving: 1990 Nissan Pintara TRX 5sp Red, 16" Rozzis, Lukey 4-2-1 ext, 2.5" full exhaust, hi-flow cat, cone cai, stg 3 chip,  low Kings, GT Gas shocks, Urethane bushings, slotted front rotors, 398000k and still going strong; 0-100 in around 7.2-7.4 seconds

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #6 on: Mar 15, 2004, 10:23PM »
ohh really do u rich. and which pizza shop would that be???

Offline evenflow_trx

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #7 on: Mar 16, 2004, 08:16AM »
Quote
75) When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
haha gold  :D

Offline RichTRX

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #8 on: Mar 16, 2004, 10:55AM »
ohh really do u rich. and which pizza shop would that be???

not telling
His: 2001 Audi S4 biturbo quattro 6sp, Nogaro Blue/black leather recaros, microsilver trim, bose 10sp, SSAC 2.5" twin turboback, RS4 rear sway, 25% tint

Hers: MY99.5 Audi A4 1.8T Quattro GP Edition AVANT 5-sp, phantom black, black leather buckets/walnut/sunroof, 2.5" D&T Turboback, K04-015, N75J, 710N DV

Bro driving: 1990 Nissan Pintara TRX 5sp Red, 16" Rozzis, Lukey 4-2-1 ext, 2.5" full exhaust, hi-flow cat, cone cai, stg 3 chip,  low Kings, GT Gas shocks, Urethane bushings, slotted front rotors, 398000k and still going strong; 0-100 in around 7.2-7.4 seconds

Offline noss

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #9 on: Mar 16, 2004, 01:03PM »
if you go to the online white pages, type in pizza and rich's suburb, and sth oz & there you go, a whole bunch of pizza shops to try.. however when i just did it i think it bought up every pizza shop in adelaide.. either way, in all of adelaide there is 10 pages worth of shops try out 100 different funny things on ;D

i'm sure you'll find him eventually :P

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Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #10 on: Mar 16, 2004, 01:03PM »
lol Rich im gonna stalk u one day u go to work to find otu exxcatly where u do work. muahahaha im pure evil

Offline noss

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #11 on: Mar 16, 2004, 01:27PM »
you could always give him a nipple cripple until he told you. that wont take nearly as much effort or as long.

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Offline Chadza

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #12 on: Mar 16, 2004, 07:45PM »
Me thinks I know it, but the nipple cripple idea sounds better than me telling!! Go for it Browny!! ;D

I might try this one as well!
Quote
86) Order a one-inch pizza.

Chad
First a Silver TRX, then a White TRX...whats next? Game Boy-Clear style TRX?

porretta

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #13 on: Mar 16, 2004, 07:50PM »
you could always give him a nipple cripple until he told you. that wont take nearly as much effort or as long.

i got bruises on and around my nipples from nipple crippling at skool!! :'(

Offline Chadza

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #14 on: Mar 16, 2004, 08:00PM »
[/Simpsons character Nelsons voice/] Hah Ha! [/end Nelson voice/]

Chad
First a Silver TRX, then a White TRX...whats next? Game Boy-Clear style TRX?

porretta

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #15 on: Mar 16, 2004, 08:28PM »
lol

Offline RichTRX

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #16 on: Mar 17, 2004, 11:12AM »
Errr.... hehe you'll never get it :D Unless Tyne tells you...

Which she won't. RIGHT TYNE? It's actually closer to Browny's house than it is to mine though  :o
His: 2001 Audi S4 biturbo quattro 6sp, Nogaro Blue/black leather recaros, microsilver trim, bose 10sp, SSAC 2.5" twin turboback, RS4 rear sway, 25% tint

Hers: MY99.5 Audi A4 1.8T Quattro GP Edition AVANT 5-sp, phantom black, black leather buckets/walnut/sunroof, 2.5" D&T Turboback, K04-015, N75J, 710N DV

Bro driving: 1990 Nissan Pintara TRX 5sp Red, 16" Rozzis, Lukey 4-2-1 ext, 2.5" full exhaust, hi-flow cat, cone cai, stg 3 chip,  low Kings, GT Gas shocks, Urethane bushings, slotted front rotors, 398000k and still going strong; 0-100 in around 7.2-7.4 seconds

Offline Ex@B@ybee

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #17 on: Mar 17, 2004, 10:08PM »
lol.. i might just call em tomorrow and tell them to surprise me..
oh and rich the pizza shop name wouldnt happen to start with a M would it .. :)

See that GP in that pic.. thats what i got ;)

Offline RichTRX

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #18 on: Mar 17, 2004, 10:38PM »
hehe... nope, it doesn't.

Or should I say... not telling!  :-X
His: 2001 Audi S4 biturbo quattro 6sp, Nogaro Blue/black leather recaros, microsilver trim, bose 10sp, SSAC 2.5" twin turboback, RS4 rear sway, 25% tint

Hers: MY99.5 Audi A4 1.8T Quattro GP Edition AVANT 5-sp, phantom black, black leather buckets/walnut/sunroof, 2.5" D&T Turboback, K04-015, N75J, 710N DV

Bro driving: 1990 Nissan Pintara TRX 5sp Red, 16" Rozzis, Lukey 4-2-1 ext, 2.5" full exhaust, hi-flow cat, cone cai, stg 3 chip,  low Kings, GT Gas shocks, Urethane bushings, slotted front rotors, 398000k and still going strong; 0-100 in around 7.2-7.4 seconds

Offline FANC_ME

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #19 on: Mar 18, 2004, 08:43AM »
Oh boy, i have power here ... muhahahaha

Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #20 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:17PM »
hang on there are only 3 pizza shops near me.

i have worked at two of them, 1 starts with m so thats not it.... the other i know u dont work at cause i have friends there so it only leaves one more. and it starts with D

Offline noss

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #21 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:20PM »
hehe, thats almost too easy

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Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #22 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:22PM »
unless its one of those small crappy pizza bars. not one of the big boy pizza places. then again we only have 1 small pizza bar near me too.

Offline FANC_ME

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #23 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:24PM »
Its a 'well' known pizza place

its small and crappy though

id never buy pizza from there

Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #24 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:26PM »
lol gee i wa wrong. but now i know rich.

[evil voice]

muhahahahahaha

[/evil voice]

Offline noss

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #25 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:26PM »
yeh neither would i.. cause rich would put his pubes in it.

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Offline FANC_ME

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #26 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:27PM »
I know nothing

muhahahaha
Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #27 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:29PM »
i also do not know anything about this topic at hand  ::)


hmm i did pizza delveies once way back but wasnt very good. the skyline used too much fuel

Offline FANC_ME

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #28 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:41PM »
all this talk about pizza, im hungry for one


Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Browny_r31

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Re: Ordering Pizza
« Reply #29 on: Mar 18, 2004, 03:43PM »
ur hungry for pizza or rich..... or pizza from rich....... nah not pizza from rich. pizza haven pizzas suck. lol oops