Maharishi Fattifatbastard's Guide to Zen
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>
> § The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
> and a flat tyre.
>
> § The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going
> to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
>
>
> · Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you
> aren't getting any.
>
> § Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
> you can't be promoted.
>
> § Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.
>
> § Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
>
> § Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> § If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try
> missing a couple of mortgage payments
>
> § Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their
> shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have
> their shoes.
>
> § If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
>
> § Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
> fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
> § Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person
> again? It was probably worth it.
>
> § If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
> § Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
>
> § Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> § Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad
> judgment.
>
> § The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
> put it back in your pocket.
>
> Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
> I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just piss off and
> leave me alone.
>
> § A closed mouth gathers no feet.
>
> § There are two theories about how to win an argument with a
> woman. Neither one works.
>
> § Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are
> moving.
>
> § Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>
> § Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
> it.
>
> § When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked
> on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse
>
> § The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
>
>
> Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
Topic: zen guide to life!! (Read 1160 times)