Author Topic: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?  (Read 14421 times)

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Offline Colby

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Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« on: Aug 4, 2008, 02:51PM »
So I got this email today... are these burgers actually that hot? or are these guys just pussies?  (there were pics of a big meathead rugby player looking guy with tears in his eyes)
 
Quote
Eating Out

Cranky and the World's Hottest Burger, Off The Wall Diner, QLD, AU



Dear sweet a*se-raping Jesus i will make this report VERY quick because just the memory of the burger is giving me bowel cramps.

First of all the burger in question can be found at the "Off The Wall Diner" at Wellington Point in Brisbane.

 


Secondly, before it gets served to you you have to put on rubber gloves.

Finally, it was not so much a meal as a physical assault.

I swear to god i have never been in so much pain in my life. i was mentally prepared for the burn and had decided that no matter how hot it turned out to be i was just going to open a can of "harden the f * ck up" and keep eating. So here's how it panned out...

4 of us head to Wellington Point around 2pm for a cruisy Saturday lunch. Me, Thommo and our two better halves.

We know that drinking beer won't help the burn, but just for psychological backup we have 2 6 packs of Little Creatures. We drink 1 6 pack on the way to the diner. We start on the other as soon as we arrive.

The 2 guys order the megadeath burgers to much laughter and derision from the kitchen of the diner. The 2 girls order sensible burgers.

We are downing the beer like water before we even see the burger so we run across the road and grab another 6 pack from the pub.

The girls burgers arrive and they are awesome hand made giant patty motherf * cking things and I'm starting to get REALLY hungry.

Our burgers arrive, with rubber gloves and a recovery kit consisting of a big drink of milk and a bowl of yogurt. The challenge remains that if we can finish the burger without resorting to the recovery kit we get our names on a plaque on the wall...

I start eating, and eating fast. I stick with my game plan and ignore the burn, just push through the pain.

2 things happen immediately to my body.

1. I get violent hiccups as my body tries to reject the molten lava i am putting into it.
2. I begin crying like a little girl.

Not to be discouraged I forge ahead, quickly shoveling the burger into my mouth. I begin to descend into my own little hell. Staff come out and are watching us eat and are egging us on. I can barely notice anything except the immense pain in my mouth, eyes, ears (yes my ears were ringing) but most importantly in my stomach...

And this is the problem.

The burning mouth, the crying, the ringing ears I can handle. But now with less than a third of the burger to go my stomach seizes up and refuses to let me put anything into it. I take a deep breath and look for my can of "harden the f * ck up" when I notice that my mate Thommo has stopped eating his burger just beyond the halfway point and is wandering aimlessly up and down the street.
 

He has honestly lost the plot and is walking around in circles.

I decide I can't be defeated and manage one more bite before my stomach explains at this point that it is about to return to me everything i have just eaten at high speed.

not being able to face the prospect of vomiting back something that hot i pull off my gloves and admit defeat with 2 mouthfuls to go. The staff can't believe I have got this close and not finished it but at this point i really don't give a f * ck because i have just started to hallucinate.

No exaggerations here for the next 15-20 minutes or so as we just sat there i was completely off my face. it is one of the strangest drug experiences I have ever had (thats a BIG call). The closest thing I can liken it to is the feeling you have when you are coming off an "e" and you are really jumpy, agitated, spun out and trippy.

Can i recommend this burger to anyone?

No f * cking way.

Should you go and try it anyway?

Absof * ckinglutely!





 
 

The Evil Burger


Mark crying like a little girl


Thommo wants his mum


Defeated



And about 2 days later...

it is now almost 48 hours later and i have just had my second shower for the morning.

second shower? why have 2?

because i am still shitting white hot torrents of molten steel and i need to cool down my puckered, torn and abraded sphincter before it decides to go all "china syndrome" and melt through the crust of the earth to the core.

i swear to god all i have eaten in the past couple of days since the "event" is stomach and anus friendly food like yoghurt, and ham and salad rolls and yet here i am at 6am on monday morning wondering why i have just been fisted by someone with a handful of broken glass and gravel?

the burger was evil. and it's evilness continues to taunt my bunghole.

shame on you for wanting to try this boobmeister. shame.

... and finally, a few days after that...

lol thanks for your concern f * cker

it lasted until tuesday night (i had the burger on saturday lunchtime) and i had my first *normal* crap on wednesday morning.

my mate i went who also tried the burger with came good on tuesday morning, but he admitted by "good" he meant he wasn't bleeding profusely from his anus and eyeballs at the same time.

that burger was all f * cked up.

now go try it.







 

Offline noss

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #1 on: Aug 4, 2008, 03:40PM »
apparently they are pretty hot.. i'm trying to get some of my mates to go down there but they're soft.

one of my mates reckons if you go the hottest nandos sauce that there is (i've not tried it so i dont know what its like), then this burger is another step up from that.

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Offline chr1S

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #2 on: Aug 4, 2008, 03:46PM »
Err, can that shit be good for you?
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to be fair, it wouldn't be ANTRX if we stayed on topic.

and if someone wasn't cranky at Chr1s for something he said...

Offline noss

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #3 on: Aug 4, 2008, 04:04PM »
the sauce they use on these burgers is called 'mega death sauce'  :D

its not the hottest sauce the company makes though, there is one you need to sign a waiver form before you're allowed to purchase it.



edit: i've found someone to try it with me! haha.. i'll let you know how it goes in a few weeks.

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Offline Jecks

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #4 on: Aug 4, 2008, 04:05PM »
i eat hot food anyways... i recon my next trip to QLD will incorporate this little visit...
I'm sick of my knob going all floppy and loose in my hand  :P 
I've been on probation for 21 years, can't make a decision without consulting the wife first  ::)

Offline noss

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #5 on: Aug 4, 2008, 04:10PM »
you could just buy the sauce jecks.. check out some of the stuff they have..

http://www.deathsauce.com.au/products.html

they're in melbourne.

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Offline Marty

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #6 on: Aug 4, 2008, 04:51PM »
I bought that mega death sauce for a mate a couple of years ago, he reckons its the best stuff hes ever had, he is a massive chilli nut though.
I tryed a little bit and nearly cryed, its lethal
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Offline Jecks

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #7 on: Aug 4, 2008, 05:06PM »
you could just buy the sauce jecks.. check out some of the stuff they have..

http://www.deathsauce.com.au/products.html

they're in melbourne.

even better!!!

 ;D ;D

i'll let you guys know how it is...
I'm sick of my knob going all floppy and loose in my hand  :P 
I've been on probation for 21 years, can't make a decision without consulting the wife first  ::)

Offline noss

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #8 on: Aug 4, 2008, 05:11PM »
I bought that mega death sauce for a mate a couple of years ago, he reckons its the best stuff hes ever had, he is a massive chilli nut though.
I tryed a little bit and nearly cryed, its lethal

its only rated at 2 stars (ok so 2 chillis) hotness wise out of their range of sauces.. they go up to 4 stars  ::)

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Offline snailman

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #9 on: Aug 4, 2008, 05:12PM »
please someone get the 4 star one and try and eat it straight from the bottle :D
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Offline Marty

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #10 on: Aug 4, 2008, 05:21PM »
isnt the mega one 5 stars?
http://www.deathsauce.com.au/megadeath.html

it was this one too, beacuse it came with that key ring skull thing
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #11 on: Aug 4, 2008, 05:34PM »
Wouldn't surprise me if some of that crazy exotic chilli shit they use has hallucinogenic properties. Like licking toads or something.
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Offline snailman

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #12 on: Aug 4, 2008, 06:01PM »
Wouldn't surprise me if some of that crazy exotic chilli shit they use has hallucinogenic properties. Like licking toads or something.
lol! licking toads is the new "in thing" haha
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #13 on: Aug 5, 2008, 10:08AM »
isnt the mega one 5 stars?
http://www.deathsauce.com.au/megadeath.html

it was this one too, beacuse it came with that key ring skull thing

oh i must have been looking at the death sauce.. the names are all so similar, its easy to mix them up  ::)

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Offline Colby

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #14 on: Aug 5, 2008, 02:09PM »
Jecks, you can get that death sauce from a place on high st Pharan (right near chapel st)  Mixy's or something i think its called.

You Qld ppl should do a cruise there.

Offline cruizer

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #15 on: Aug 5, 2008, 02:14PM »
Group buy?  ;D
« Last Edit: Aug 5, 2008, 04:09PM by cruizer »

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #16 on: Aug 5, 2008, 02:23PM »
Jecks, you can get that death sauce from a place on high st Pharan (right near chapel st)  Mixy's or something i think its called.

You Qld ppl should do a cruise there.

and a place in mooarbin, which is closer  ;D
I'm sick of my knob going all floppy and loose in my hand  :P 
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #17 on: Aug 5, 2008, 03:34PM »
Quote
because i am still shitting white hot torrents of molten steel and i need to cool down my puckered, torn and abraded sphincter before it decides to go all "china syndrome" and melt through the crust of the earth to the core.

i swear to god all i have eaten in the past couple of days since the "event" is stomach and anus friendly food like yoghurt, and ham and salad rolls and yet here i am at 6am on monday morning wondering why i have just been fisted by someone with a handful of broken glass and gravel?

ROFL
thats funny as.

Offline evlknvl

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #18 on: Aug 5, 2008, 06:07PM »
m8 that's a f@*king awesome write-up. one of the most entertaining reads i've had in ages. you guys are f*@king nuts for even tryin it. can't handle anything hot.

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #19 on: Aug 5, 2008, 06:59PM »
m8 that's a f@*king awesome write-up. one of the most entertaining reads i've had in ages. you guys are f*@king nuts for even tryin it. can't handle anything hot.
im much the same until last christmas holidays went to hong kong and not being able to read any of the writing or communicate with the workers there chose a meal... it was some soup full of chilles and chille seeds i think it has wiped half of my taste buds out of action forever :D
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #20 on: Aug 5, 2008, 09:27PM »
is that is brisbane? If so, im up there at the end of teh month, might check it out. but i dunno, i have been searching for decent chilli since getting back from mex, nothing is coming close

fortunately i bought some good ones back with me. One night some mates were around and one reasonably pissed mate slopped some on his bbq meat like dead horse, got half way through and fell off his chair and started licking the floor :P

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Offline slim

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #21 on: Aug 6, 2008, 09:09AM »
I have that Mega Death sauce

Bought it years ago for fathers day, some was used then used sparing since.

Damn it burns. Come over and have some marty
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #22 on: Aug 6, 2008, 01:39PM »
I have that Mega Death sauce

Bought it years ago for fathers day, some was used then used sparing since.

Damn it burns. Come over and have some marty
I'm asian, I can handle it. :P
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #23 on: Aug 6, 2008, 06:32PM »
haha hes asian, that makes him tough :D
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Offline Gibbo

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #24 on: Aug 6, 2008, 08:21PM »
I want one , but i live in new zealand god damn it !  >:( and the burn is all part of the fun .lol
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Offline evlknvl

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #25 on: Aug 6, 2008, 08:34PM »
Sure you can get it sent over bro. Happy to help out if ya want one but im in Tassie (not sold here im think, thank god! LOL). I'm sure the company would send it if you contacted them as they do deliver australia wide and NZ is practically part of Aus too. :)

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #26 on: Aug 6, 2008, 08:57PM »
Sure you can get it sent over bro. Happy to help out if ya want one but im in Tassie (not sold here im think, thank god! LOL). I'm sure the company would send it if you contacted them as they do deliver australia wide and NZ is practically part of Aus too. :)

That could be considered debatable  :P

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #27 on: Aug 6, 2008, 09:01PM »
yeah aye bud !
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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #28 on: Aug 6, 2008, 09:45PM »
Was waiting for for it! LOL Some ppl forget their history (what about the ANZAC's ???) I must be gettin old, shit.

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Re: Hottest burger? Anyone been there to try it?
« Reply #29 on: Aug 6, 2008, 10:58PM »
Was waiting for for it! LOL Some ppl forget their history (what about the ANZAC's ???) I must be gettin old, shit.
lol your truly showing your age evl :D
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